We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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