your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
