you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
