dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
