can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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