apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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