Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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