Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
