he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
