Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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