this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
