and you said cock pushups were impossible
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
