Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
