she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize