I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
