I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize