hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
