I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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