i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
