dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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