I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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