Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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