Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
