**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
