im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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