I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
