Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
