i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
