Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
