i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
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