So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize