The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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