That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
