final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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