I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
