I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
