my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
