Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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