Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
