he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
