Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
