I want to walk on stilts...naked
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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