Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
