Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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