happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
