I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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