i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize