1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize