Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
