Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Randomize
