i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
