I wish my penis had an off switch
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Randomize
