Non-Jews are for practice
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
