Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
3pm strippers are depressing
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
