a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
