Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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