There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
