My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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