If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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