So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
