You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Randomize
