There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
