dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
40s are totally the cure
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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