My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
