College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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